Where We've Been (46 out of 50 States)...Where We Are!

Where We've Been (46 out of 50 States)...Where We Are!
Traveling...Resting...Relaxing...Working...On Our Way Somewhere...Where We Land Nobody Knows...

Wednesday, September 01, 2010

What Brought Us Out Here…Our Story

We have touched on our family situation many times in the past but lately not so much...the pain has subdued a bit in the last 5 years. If you have been following us from the beginning, you know all the gory details, but since we have many new followers, we thought we would once again tell our story.

Right after we were married (over 13 years ago), we were dreaming with one another about our perfect lifestyle. It matched completely, and was actually quite scary for both of us, as we spoke we finished each others sentences. We both had the same exact dream since childhood, to travel in an RV, take photos, write our stories, and share them with the world.

The planning began. For months we researched and loaded our files with great information on how we could accomplish this dream. Then, once again, life had other ideas for us, our only daughter who just got married, announced her pregnancy. Our first grandchild. How on earth could we leave them? We couldn’t so we gathered all the information and filed it once again.

Five years passed and we were living the “American Dream“, or so we thought. We had the life, but it wasn’t ours and we were not happy. But we continued to live it because after all that is what life was all about…the stuff! Our souls were disappearing fast.

About this time, my baby brother at an early age of 40 passed away, then a year later my mother passed away. Both were in Hospice for their last moments and both made me promise to get out and live my dream, no matter what it took. They took their “silly” dreams with them because they did not have the courage to follow them. We were determined not to allow that to happen to ours. There were other siblings but the only reason I stayed close to the family was for my mother, brother, daughter and grandson. The others, well, we never did get along, so there was no reason to pretend anymore.

Once again the planning began, this time with a different twist. We added, what many call a “Bucket List”, we have always called it our “Life List”. We would travel in an RV, take photos, write our stories which would include visiting every NASCAR track on the circuit and crossing every state line as a couple and share it all with the world.

Our daughter was not quite ready to believe this, after all she just lost her favorite uncle and her “Boosha” (Polish for grandmother). We had been her only support after her divorce when her son was only a few months old and since we had our own company and I worked from home, we had our grandson all the time while she worked to support them.

For the first 6 years of his life, he had never been in a day care or sitter for the most part, we took him on vacations and we loved and cared for him to make her life easier. I had been a single parent, so I knew how rough it could be and we had the opportunity to make it easier on her so we were so grateful that we could help her. She kept her feelings to herself and only said she was fine with our decision. Unfortunately, she was not fine with it and it came out quite abruptly much later.

Our well placed plans, fell apart quite shortly after they began but for us, there was no looking back…we drudged through some pretty rough times. Our finances took a big dive and we were in deep despair but wanted to push forward and not allow our dream to go back into the files. Each time we had to regroup, our daughter thought that we would stop this nonsense thinking and come back to reality and settle down again. That never happened and even though we took our grandson the first year we were at the Grand Canyon, she just never quite understood how we could still want to follow our dream through the struggles.

She became angry and we had a really heated argument, which we have had as mother and daughter throughout her life, but this time she held onto it. I waited ten days to make the first contact, felt it was enough cooling down time. Wrong…she continuously refused us to see our grandson. We tried giving her time, days, weeks, months and now years have gone by and she is still refusing us any contact with him at all.

The last time I even spoke to her was over 2 years ago, when I called her at her job since it was the only phone number I had left for her and when I said, “Hi, this is mom”, she replied, “I have no mother, she is dead”. I knew at that moment I could not go through this pain every time I reached out to her, so my attempts ceased.

With all this passing time and the pain of missing out on our grandsons last 5 years of his life, there is a part of me that will never be able to let go knowing that all those missed moments will never be replaced. A few months ago, someone sent us a current photo of him and I did not even recognize him.

The pain subsides and then at times it is so strong that just breathing is hard, but those days are less now and we just put it all behind us and become very grateful that we had the opportunity to share the first 6 years of his life. At the same time we know that we may never see them again all because of a few chosen words said to one another in a heated argument.

The many lessons we have learned due to this has been enormous but the one that always stands out is to always be careful of words spoken or actions taken because there may be no going back…

16 comments:

Kenny And Angela's Adventure said...

That is a sad touching story and I'm lost for words.

You two seem like super people. Keep your head up you have nothing to be ashamed of.

Keep your dream alive...

O.M.G. said...

wow, that is really sad. my brother and i recently had a falling out with our mom because of her actions and reactions. i didn't think i could ever forgive her. nothing like this had ever happened to us before. our relationship will never be the same although i can tell she wants to pretend it is. i could never cut her out of my life because she adores me but i no longer adore her. it hurts. i can't imagine the pain you all have experienced. amazing how your entire life and focus and intention can change in a moment, isn't it? maybe someone in her life will talk some sense into her one day. keep up living your dream!

B.W. and Carol said...

We're sorry for your pain and our prayers are with you. We believe things happen for a reason and they are not always clear in the beginning, but will eventually evolve to an acceptable end.

pidge said...

My heart bleeds for you. It is so hard some times with family. It seems no matter what you decide, some one doesn't go along with it. Live your life to the fullest and things will work out for you. You are in my prayers...

Robert and Linda said...

Wow...your post really hit home. About 2 1'2 years ago I had a falling out with my oldest daughter (7 grandchildren) and even though I've sent countless emails, cards, etc. I've never actually heard from her... even my facebook request. But you just have to continue with your life and in my case other children and grandchildren. Prayers are with you.

Me and My Dog said...

I'm so sorry this happened to you. But you have a right to live YOUR life YOUR way. Your daughter can't make life decisions for you. Some day your grandson will be old enough to reach out, and hopefully you will be close again. Your daughter is missing out on so much. Enjoy your dream and be happy. :)
Barbara

Freely Living Life said...

Oh my. Family and their selfish ways of thinking... we know ALL about it! We have been RVing for awhile now and we still get the question: "why would you want to live like that?"...or the insults of "living in a trailer" seem to come about too. It hurts...cuts right through you like a knife! After all, it's your own flesh and blood that are saying these hurtful things to you. And most of them don't understand your choice of lifestyle simply because they don't want to understand it. That would mean they would have to accept change and most people cannot handle any kind of change.

You are very genuine and good hearted people! So glad to hear that you did not let your dream life slip away just to please someone else. Sounds like you did more than your share and Im sure you are happy you did what you did. But life is only so long....and now it's your time. Im very sorry to hear that your daughter is acting so immature about this situation. There are no words strong enough to break the ties with your children or your family. Obviously she has others issues that shes throwing onto you by keeping your grandchild from you. That's just wrong. But you are strong and will continue to move on. When the child is old enough to realize whats happened he will come around. Until then...its all about YOU for once! Relax, enjoy and SMILE! =)

“There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world, it’s the beginning of a new life.”

Margie M. said...

Thanks for sharing this story of pain and heartbreak. Even grown-up kids have these issues with Mom and Dad being free to pursue their own dreams. I hear ya loud and clear! (as you know from my blog and your nice comment) Sometimes kids can be so selfish and mean spirited. The worst part of it all is the withholding of your grandson from you. That is really only doing him harm and not good, but she obviously does not see that.

I hope things can be resolved at some point, and I am hopeful for you that they will be. One day she may wake up and realize what a huge mistake she has made.

Blessings and best wishes to you wonderful people.

Happytrails said...

I am so sorry to hear your story. It just shouldn't be this way. I am at a loss for words but I can say that I will certainly keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.

Sending hugs!
Mike & Gerri (happytrails)

Jaimie Hall-Bruzenak said...

I remember meeting your grandson at the Grand Canyon. He was a cutie and having a ball. At least he got to experience your new life for a brief time. I'm sure he has many happy memories of being there that can't be taken away.

I'm always impressed with your ability to stay focused on your dream and make it happen in spite of obstacles that would have caused others to give up. Even if you can't see your grandson for the time being, you are demonstrating a valuable lesson to both him and your daughter. Hopefully she can grow enough to see it too.

Jaimie

Ali said...

Just read your post about families. I am so sorry for you and the pain you have dealt with. I so understand. My younger sister has barely spoken to me since the mid '90s. In fact, when my mom was dying of cancer in 2005, my sister tried to have me banned from the hospital, tried to keep me from visiting her ~ we lived in WA state and Mom was in CA. Even had to have my pastor step in to make it possible to spend four days with her before she died.

Since 2005 I have spoken to her three times. The last being Sept. 08 when my older sister died. We met, the rest of our family at a restaurant. My sister said hello and that was it. She talked with my husband but not me. I finally had to realize that the issue is hers and not mine. I would love to have her be a part of my family but that is not to be at this time.

Hang in there, keep doing what you are doing and enjoy life as you can.

Susan said...

Such a sad story.
My grand kids are everything to me and I could never give them up to follow a 'dream'. They are my dream.
JMHO and I know everyone is different.

Kimberly and Jerry Peterson said...

Susan, we did not give up on him to follow our dream, our daughter gave up on us because we followed our dream. Big difference...we tried everything to make it right but she refuses to let us back into their lives.

Trust me, he was our lives for his first 6 years and would still be if she allowed us our grandparent rights, but it is her call not ours.

We were so close and never thought it could happen to us, but it did and believe me, it could happen to you in a split second.

Carol K said...

Kimberly and Jerry, I am still getting caught up on your posts. My heart goes out to you. You've done all you could to remedy the situation. Family members can be so hurtful, and it's worst when it's our children. I hope and pray that you will be allowed to see or at least have some contact with your grandson in the future. Your daughter is being very cruel and, as others have said, hurting her child and depriving him of loving grandparents. Who knows where her bitterness is coming from, but she needs to get over it and move on.

Susan said...

Sorry guys, I think you misread my words. I said I could never "give them up" (not give up on them) to follow a dream. If push came to shove, I'd be the first to crumble and never leave. This RV'ing deal only works for me if I can go home to them whenever I need to.
Good luck on your new adventures!

Paul and Jo said...

Thank you for posting your story, it hit very close to home.

We are not "on the road" yet, will be come October. I've already experienced the cruel remarks from some of my family and children.

Funny we raise our children to become independent adults, but it seems some of them have a hard time allowing us to be independent parents!

Life has a way of working out and time does change things. Hoping for the best for you.

Jo