Dysfunctional Way of Life

It has always been a normal way of life for our family…to hold a grudge…never forgive…get them before they get you…punish them every chance you get…make some very poor choices…blame everyone else and never take responsibility…denial…denial…denial. There are still times that I find myself guilty of these things too, but those times are becoming fewer and I have learned to deal with the situations and move forward and not stay stuck in the past. I wish I could say the same for my daughter, the anger for her is as strong as it was the day it happened.

I could definitely understand her anger if I was a “monster” mother and grandmother but I was not. Now I may not have been a June Cleaver but I did the best I knew how with what I knew then and when I learned more, I did better. As for mistakes, well I certainly made plenty of them but at the same time I learned from them and improved myself.

Hanging onto the anger and placing blame is not a healthy way of life. I take full responsibility for my part in this entire situation but she needs to do the same and to understand that we all make mistakes that we can’t undo but instead of muddling in the dysfunction, we need to rise above it and handle it in a healthier way.

To continue denying us visitation with our grandson is making a choice that is based on the anger funk and is not healing nor helping to any one of us. To continue denying that it is not affecting Austin is just preposterous. Her anger is clouding her good sense. He is affected even if she does not see it herself. If he is not showing it, could it possibly be because she has taught him to deny his feelings as she does her own? Or that her anger has made him fearful of even bringing us up, afraid of her backlash which has always been obvious. He has always taken on the role of being the one who could make his mommy happy or sad by how he acted. He learned very early on not to say or do things to upset her because he always feared she too would leave him and he has always loved her so very much that he would do anything to make sure that never happened.

It is now time to stop the dysfunction from carrying onto yet another generation. Precious time is wasting that we will never be able to get back. If God forgives each and everyone of us and never holds a grudge, then why can’t she?