Wednesday, May 14, 2014
All Work and No Play
Since we are still attempting to regroup from our journey across country and our schedules are a bit wacky, we are not doing much sightseeing around here. We have taken a few bike rides in the area and have found some good and then not so good roads to bike on.
Something happened along the way to us living this lifestyle that we are currently not too content with. Somewhere in the middle of this 10 year journey we were adventurous and we loved our lives, but now we fear…we fear the weather…we fear running out of money…we fear we won’t find work that pays us enough to continue…we fear our health. We need to find our way back to those middle years that we so enjoyed our lives instead of fearing everything.
What we need to do is to live in this moment and stop reliving the past or trying to predict the future. Today, right now is all we have and if we do not live it to the best of our abilities then this moment will soon become a memory, a bad memory at that.
Life doesn’t always give us what we dream and work towards, we know this from experience. We have worked hard to get our lives on the right path but we always seem to fall short of how we would like it to be and instead get something that is not even close to how we thought it would be but we continue to dream and build from that point.
Looking at others it seems as if they live the lives we would like to live. Not in an envious way but in a curious way. We look at them in hope to find the answers to help us to get closer to that dream lifestyle we can see in our hearts but have yet to be able to bring out to make it our reality.
Fighting the demons within is a hard path to pave and it seems we are no closer than we were 20 years ago. We have not truly lived the life we have wanted and we do all we can to change it but we always seem to fall flat. Even though we pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and get back in the race to fight another day we are getting tired and discouraged that our lives will ever be the way we have dreamed about.
That is when we wonder if we hold higher expectations than we should be holding? But isn’t that how we are supposed to get to the higher lifestyle is by first seeing it, then believing it, and then going for it?
We are 56 years old and we are tired…tired of struggling…we just want to be able to live an easier life where we are not constantly making our decisions by how much money we have at that moment. We thought we had made it through that part of our life lessons but it seems life has more for us to learn about being broke all the time. Even if we wanted to, we could not move on at this point and that is a feeling we do not like to have forced on us. We think we are going to like working here this summer and checking out all the areas that we have dreamed about but we do not like being in the situation that we are stuck here at this point until the work checks begin to come in weekly.
Our plan was to visit the areas during this off season time when we are not working 40 hour weeks but we ran out of money during our trip across country so now we are still barely getting by with what is coming in. Once the season begins we will have many, many more hours and the checks will be substantially higher but we will not have the time off to visit these areas, plus the area will be much more crowded than it is now.
We both know that it could be worse and we really shouldn’t be whining about this little stuff because there are many others who have it so much worse than we do but at the same time there are many others who have it so much better than we do too! We just would like to know how the other side of being broke lives and we would just like to be able to live it for what is left of our lives.
We played the Maine Lottery because we have heard from a few different folks around here that they have hit it big recently and we would like to be one of them that can say the same. It feels at times that hitting the lottery is the only way for us to get out and stay out of being broke because working and traveling the way we do is not bringing us any closer to making a comfortable living. We wonder at times how we even are able to make it at all with the small amount that comes in but we always seem to manage to make it work for us but the struggles are back and we want to be back on the gravy train of our lives as we had been for the most part in the past few years.
Okay, there was the whining and now we both know the next step is to stop concentrating on our lack and be grateful for all the great and wonderful things that are right in our lives. By doing this it opens up avenues that we could not see with all the fog in our minds but clearly we are very blessed to have each found the love of our lives, our health with just a few aches and pains and we are so grateful for having Maggie who holds herself together through some really trying times.
There are so many more things that we have to be thankful for and it really feels good to be back on the path of being grateful instead of focusing on the lack.