Where We've Been (46 out of 50 States)...Where We Are!

Where We've Been (46 out of 50 States)...Where We Are!
Working at 3 Rivers Resort in Almont, Colorado until the end of August!

Sunday, April 24, 2011

What Is My Problem?

Not really a question, more like a loud statement.

It seems ever since that tornado in Lakeland, I have not been able to sleep if it is raining or even any threat of rain. Not storms remind you…just drizzling or any sort of rain.

I fear floods…you would not believe how many places, including campgrounds that we have seen lately in our travels that have been totally underwater.

I fear the wind…the places we have personally witnessed where the damage from these winds has been terribly harmful.

Why are many campgrounds/RV Parks out in the middle of nowhere? Lately, I have been preferring the ones that are located right smack in the middle of any city where I can see outside and see something, not total darkness.

I fear the darkness…that many of these campgrounds lately have to offer. There was a time in my life that I loved the idea of the quietness of the pitch blackness of the night, now it just gives me something more to fear.
If I can see it, I seem to be ok with it, but if I look out my window and can’t even see a few feet from our RV, then it is way too dark.

So why is it lately that most of the storms have been arriving in the area we are in between the wee hours of 2 and 4 a.m.? Will I ever be able to hear the sound of rain on our tin roof in the middle of the night and not immediately spring out of bed and turn on my computer for a weather update? So many thoughts rush through my head while I am waiting for the latest radar to load up and all I can think about is all the bad things that could happen. It used to be a lullaby that lulled me off to sleep, now it just provokes thoughts that I can’t seem to control.

What is it that I need to do to feel safe? I need to be able to look out and see the storm, the rain and the wind…that is it! Stay in a place where it is well lit, where I can look out at any time and see what is happening and then I will be better. That’s a start and here is another thought.

We are so susceptible to the drama, so we stopped watching any news due to the negative effect it always has on us. Watching the weather has always been something we do because of our travels, well lately the Weather Channel has been worse than a news channel. All the bad news and drama sucked me in once again and the fear once again began to settle into me. I will find another means to check the weather from now on because all the bad news puts a fear into me that I just can’t shake and I really do not enjoy living my life with all that fear.

I will begin meditation again to get myself and then keep myself grounded. Yes, bad things happen, that is just a part of life, a person can be prepared without going into the deep end and drown in all the drama. It is a fine line for me and the past few weeks, I crossed it and went to the other side. The side that puts an ugly fear deep inside of me that gives me no hope but instead fills my heart and soul with fear. Today is a new beginning and I will work all day long on not allowing the fear to take over my life. Instead I will live each moment with the gratefulness of having all the great things that we have and allow them all to play a part in my life today, this moment, living it to it’s fullest and enjoying it all for what it has to offer.


Wanderin' said...

We all have our fears. Some won't admit it but we do. There have been lots of storms this spring. Hopefully, they are behind us and we can go forward safely.

Paul and Marti Dahl said...

Be strong, you can overcome your fears. Think of all the challenges you've had in life and how you beat them.

We all have phobias of some kind or another, so don't feel like you're the only one. Make small changes, take small steps.

You can do it! :c)

Me and My Dog said...

Like you, I stopped watching the news long ago. Occasionally I'll watch, but not often. Do you have one of those weather things that goes off when it's really bad and will wake you up? I've read about them in blogs. You can change the settings, I think, for distance and severity? That sounds like a good idea to me.
I'm pretty much a fatalist, though. I do everything I can to protect myself, don't take unnecessary risks, and the rest is up to God. What will be will be.
Meditation sounds like a good idea - starting today maybe you will be able to relax more.
Happy Easter to you both!

Carol K said...

It sounds like experiencing the recent storms has given you a new insight into the power of the storms. Light is a good thing! May God keep you safe and protected from the storms of life.

Ali said...

Sorry to hear about all the fears that have been overwhelming to you...and praying that your new attitude and having a positive outlook and thinking positive thoughts.

Hope you sleep well tonight.

Victoria Taylor said...

So sorry to hear that you are feeling that way! We all have our fears and without a doubt, it's totally understandably why you feel that way about the drastic weather conditions. My heart goes out to all those affected by the storms and tornadoes that happened this week :( Glad to hear that you are meditating and finding ways to balance your feelings and thoughts. Hope your feel has gotten better. Know that you are not alone.
All the best - Vicky Driving Safety Advocate

Kate said...

Oh Darlin, I do feel for you. I've been through a major mudslide and two gigantic earthquakes (Loma Prieta and the Northridge in LA). Believe me, nature plays some mighty strange tricks on us. I went through a lot of therapy after the mudslide, got better, then after the Loma Prieta, went right back to the bad place. It does go away.

Take care and be extra kind to yourself (how would you treat your best friend if he/she were showing these symptoms?).

I can guarantee, time will make it better.

You're in my thoughts.