Let Go & Let God, Forgive, Live in the Moment…

The list goes on and on for how to live your life on a more spiritual path. It all seems so simple and really it is, except, for when it comes to living this way with your children, your grown children is even worse, at least that is the way it is with me.

It has always been so much easier for me to love my grandson, unconditionally then it ever was with my daughter. I think it’s because when it is “your” daughter you want the best for her, as I do with my grandson but with her I never wanted her to go down the same path that I chose. I wanted to spare her of all the pain and heartaches but instead by trying to conform her I indeed pushed her right down the exact paths I had been so desperately trying for her to avoid. I do not know how to make this all right and the pain gets stronger as each day passes without contact with her and our grandson.

Life just seems so empty now without them that I struggle with it every waking moment and even in my dreams. I know, “It’s not fair” is not where I need to be in my thoughts but really, now, how long does this have to go on. There are lessons for me to learn from all of this and every day I am learning some very powerful ones, ones that I feel should put an end to this but it doesn’t. I wake up every morning with the hope that maybe, just maybe, today will be the day that it gets resolved but then every evening the pain is stronger as I fall to sleep knowing again there was no resolution.

I pray for answers but mostly I pray that I will make it through another day because I know the pain it would cause her if anything should happen to me while we are still estranged from one another. She is telling everyone that her mother is dead and has even said it to me several times when I have reached out to her in the past year. She is just very angry and I pray that she is able to work it through and I pray for guidance for what I shall do next but it seems no matter what I do, I just seem to make her angrier. I have even done nothing for months and just put it in God’s hands but nothing happened. Therefore, I continue to pray and do all that I am guided to do until the day we are able to resolve these issues, move beyond our differences and once again be mother and daughter, and Nana and grandson.