Still Learning

Be content with what you have and enjoy the way things are because it can all change in an instant.  ~ Kimberly ~

I just came off a week vacation from the land of “poor me” or a “wah wah wah” attitude.  It is not a fun place to visit, but am certainly happy that we no longer live there permanently.  I finally paid attention a few days ago when my body ached worse than it ever has before and my mind was angry and afraid of every little bump in the dark.  I decided it was time to get over feeling sorry for myself and get back into living our lives the best we can with what we have and stop looking at what we do not have.

On my vacation, I gawked at others newer and nicer rigs and wished we had them.  Everything about their things, I wanted. Their vehicles, their jewelry, their hair, their clothes, their smiles…you get the picture.

Also, in this land I constantly wondered how others see us…

Do they see us as worthless as I was seeing myself?

Do they think we have nothing, as I was thinking we had?

Do they look at us as we are unworthy of good things, as I was looking in the mirror and seeing?

The thoughts that had been creeping back into my thoughts were devastating and it began to get the best of me.  There was a time in my life when that was normal for me, but now I know it is an old pattern that needs to be worked through so that I can begin living my life to the fullest once again.

I was angry at myself for not finishing my books and publishing them.  I was angry for not publishing my photo ideas, my greeting cards ideas and my songs I have written.  At the same time it was easier for me to not fulfill these dreams because if I did and I became a successful creator of those things then my inner voice would not match up with who I was becoming.  Struggling with a big difference in my inner thoughts and who showed in the outer world has always been an issue that I attempt over and over to balance but never quite making it fit properly.

I have learned if I want what others have, I have to believe I deserve them and also understand that I will never have what others have because I have not lived their lives.  To have exactly what others have would mean I would have to have lived their lives the way they have done.  I choose not to go there, instead I chose to get back into meditating and living our lives truer to who we are and stop worrying about what others think or say about us.  We are who we are…take us the way we are or just leave us alone and we will continue to be happier than we have ever been before. 

Learning to stop trying to be somebody or something else than what and who we are from the inside is not always an easy task, but it is something that when lived I feel vibrantly alive and something I strive for as often as possible.

Life may not always give us exactly what we want, but it certainly gives us exactly what we need!