Never…Ever…Give Up On Your Dreams

You may have many naysayers in your life that just do not know any other way to express it to you but to be negative and call you a loser and many other nasty names, but do not allow them to tear down your dream. Follow it and every time you fail, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep trying.

We are moving to another phase in our journey where things are falling into place because we persevered and never gave up hope. Every bump and bang just made us stronger…every negative event we turned to positive…every road we traveled took us down another magnificent journey…every day we didn’t give in to other’s beliefs brought us closer to our own dream.

No matter what your background is, believe me you can carry on and live your dream, no matter how far out it seems to be and no matter how many people say it can‘t be done. Stay focused and never give up believing in yourself, if you think it, you most certainly can obtain it.

Change your thoughts and you change your world. -- Norman Vincent Peale

Another Day

With all the commotion going on with family the past few days got me to thinking deeply about many things. A burning question that arose is, “How on earth can we stop all the violence in the world when we can’t even get families to forgive and love one another?”

Moving past the anger and forgiving them was challenging but all the hard work paid off, it’s done, I do not feel the knot in my stomach every time they call or comment. It’s still a bit tough knowing that even though I have apologized to them for my part in this fiasco, they just won’t let it go. They continue to call and write, not to put an end to this but to add fuel to the flame, the anger spews with every word. They have built this into a huge mountain instead of putting it into it’s place, a disagreement that got way out of hand. To deserve this sort of treatment from them is just beyond any normalcy at all, after all I haven’t killed anyone, I only said some cruel things that I continue to apologize for.

My daughter’s last email said she has forgiven me but will never forget and that I am dead to her. She continued to say that I have been a controlling, bad influence, lying, terrible mother and grandmother and have always been that way. If I didn’t know any better I would think she has turned to drinking, a normal habit in our family but she has never drank very much at all. I just do not understand how things took such a turn between my daughter and me, a part of me always knew that no matter what, she and I could always count on each other, now I am not so sure.

I continue to sort through all the lies and drama that continue filtering in from her and my sister but it is really getting to be too much for me. We no longer live that sort of lifestyle, with all the drama and turning little things into major catastrophe so it has been straining.

We know we could never be a loving family, we are quite content and very happy living our lives the way we have been for the past few years but what is necessary is to come to grip with the fact that we are still that little boys grandparents that have always loved and cared about him. If for one moment we thought it was for his best interest to stay out of his life, we would but it is not and never will be.

Note to Our Readers: We want to thank you all for your support and information regarding lawyers that are experienced in Grandparents Rights, we are now considering this as possibly our next step and we will keep you informed.

The Big Give…How It Changed Our Lives

We would like to take this opportunity to thank all of the wonderful people that helped us during a truly lean time in our adventure. It is so comforting knowing that there are many folks that understand exactly what we were going through and were able to either contribute to our fuel fund or share so many comforting words and continue to share during this very trying time with our family. It is very discerning when people in your life choose to kick you even harder when you are down.

It is so nice knowing that we are not alone in this situation, we have the support of many of you who understand that we are just trying to separate from the chaos. Listening to others describe some of the things that went on in their lives once they broke free from their families and the abuse as we are trying to do has been very enlightening for us. We now understand when many of you tried to explain to us that just as soon as we became healthier that they would begin to try to pull us into their chaotic lives once again, all along blaming us and not taking any responsibility for any of it. There are many other accusations that my daughter and now sister have been emailing as well as calling to say to us that have been twisted in so many directions and are just not true.

It’s not about the things they believe we said or what we believe they said…it’s not about us ever getting along with one another…we all have our issues…we all have our sides of the stories which none of us are willing to change…we all have our lies that add to the drama and help it to fester into this huge disease that will not be cured any time soon.

What it is all about is having a relationship with a little boy who has absolutely nothing to do with any of this drama. We know there could never be a reconciliation with the family or even with our daughter because even though we have forgiven them they refuse to forgive us. Without forgiveness there won’t be any resolution to this and all we continue to ask for is to have some open communication with our grandson. To be able to send him postcards, phone calls, and visits with him is what is best for him. This we know is true because we had always been such a good and loving part of his life and then just because of a misunderstanding years ago for us to be out of his life is just not normal.

We are willing to do whatever it takes to make this happen, this was along the lines of what I said two years ago to my daughter that made her think I would kidnap my grandson. This is totally not even close to the truth because even during the heat of the argument I knew that our grandson would be hurt so badly if she or us were not a part of his life.

Forgiveness is a huge part of healing, we continue to heal and look forward to paying it forward. After watching “Oprah’s Big Give” we learned something that we already knew but for some reason it took this program to open our eyes to the truth. The truth that we have so much to give and we are giving all we can every moment of our lives now. We learned that it is always about giving from right where you are and always from the heart.

“Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.”

Forgiveness

We have been receiving many comments on our blog, both from our daughter and her friends daughter that has been quite nasty. The anger is so apparent in every word written, telling me, I need to get over it, that I messed up, how much better off our grandson is without us in his life, and those are the nicer things they are saying. My daughter has also called several times with her friend listening into the conversations and the rudeness coming out with every word knowing that my grandson was within earshot listening to her say some pretty harsh things to us was really hard to take.

Children should never be exposed to the complicated world of adults, especially when there is a conflict between them. This includes teenagers who believe they are adults when in all reality they are just lost in this world of perplexity.

What we are most confused about is that she insists that she does not want us in her life and as hard as it has been we have respected her wishes but she continues to call and write these hateful things but at the same time refuses to allow us to visit with our grandson.

We on the other hand want what is best for our grandson. Since we had always been a significant part of his life, we do not feel it can be good for him thinking that we no longer love him and that we left him. It can’t be good for him having his last memory of us as being a yelling match between us, the adults. It can’t be good for him to have all the chaos in his life with her new “family” telling him that we are losers, crazy, threatening to make sure he stays away from us and some really other nasty comments. They are not related to this entire situation at all but they have infested their ideas into our daughter and grandson’s lives and they are holding onto this hatefulness. I will work extra hard on this one today.

Forgive all who have offended you, not for them, but for yourself. ~Harriet Nelson

You Have To Believe!

Never allow anyone to tell you or convince you that you are stupid, a loser, not good enough or that you can’t do something that you know in your heart can happen as long as you believe it! It seems that many of us think that being cruel and saying mean things to someone is okay, but it is not. Instead, always believe that every person is a child of God and they too are just lost and need to be told that they too are loved. Just because a person has not had the greatest opportunities pass through their lives yet, does not mean it can’t or won’t happen. Don’t let them get to you, always change the negative to a positive.

A person does not look like a fool because they reach out to another person and try to end the painful event that may be going on between them. Life is not always perfect and neither are people. Everything changes and ends. Things do not always go according to plan. Life is not always fair. Pain is part of life. People are not loving and loyal all the time. What helps me through these moments are the Serenity Prayer.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Never Did I Imagine…

There would ever come a time that I would be living my life without my daughter.

In 1976, after praying nearly every waking moment that God would send me a little girl, did I ever think that there would come a day that she would choose to cut me out of her life…but that is was has happened.

The last time I wrote about the situation with my daughter, the comments came rushing in. Mostly from mothers who had been estranged from their daughters for years, one even said it had been 27 years since their child spoke to them.

How do we justify our choices to allow this to happen? No, I was not perfect and still have a long way to being perfect but as I read these stories from other woman, many of them similar to mine, an argument that got a bit out of hand but to hold a grudge against the woman who gave birth to you is just…well…unsettling.

Unfortunately, I have to admit, I also was a daughter who did not speak to her mother for many years. Do you see the irony of it all and life coming full circle? Oh, I had my reasons and of course they were “Good” reasons, so I thought. When I knew better, I most certainly did better and thank goodness I was able to reconcile with her before she passed away or I would be regretting it so very much. I do regret missing out on all those years of knowledge that she could have shared with me, if only I allowed her into my life but that is time that can never be given back to me or to her, just as this time my daughter and I are losing.

I pray that it doesn’t come full circle back to her. She now says it will never happen, that her son loves her and he would never do that to her, I thought the same exact thing about her. Because we had such a strong connection with our grandson and the only reason we are unable to see him now is because of the choices she continues to make, this may all come back to haunt her someday. To carry on with this drama as if we are these wicked people that did an inconceivable act it just preposterous. We made a mistake and said some things to one another out of anger and have since tried to apologize and this entire incident needs to be put in it’s rightful place.

What do you do when you have done it all? I have apologized…I have given her time…I have loved her…I have prayed. Now I must let go and allow her to find her own way and hopefully it will lead her back to me one day before it’s too late.

Thank You So Very Much…

For sending us this photo today…we thank you.

We have not seen our grandson in over 2 years and not a minute goes by that we do not think about him and miss him. Always wondering how he is doing…what he looks like…how big he has grown…now we can see just how much he has grown and can also see the sadness in his eyes.

Sadness that is there due to a decision she made and continues to stand by even though it hurts him deeply. We still believe that she has always been and continues to be a good mommy but has been blinded by something that continues her stubbornness by not allowing us in their lives.

We will continue loving them both from afar, respecting her wishes and not contact them even though it hurts us very much. Praying every moment that she will soon realize just how harmful this decision is for her, her son and for us.

Life Has Been…Challenging

Through the years we manage to take many of our challenges and turn them into wonderful learning experiences that allow us to always move forward in our lives. We have overcome our pasts that were filled with physical, emotional and sexual abuse with a deep passion for rising above it all. For the most part this has worked for us and we have learned to love one another in a very deep and healthy environment. We no longer have chaotic lives where we need all the drama to stimulate our daily living, instead, we now respect and love one another unconditionally. We discuss our feelings with one another, we do not allow the drama to stay for long periods of time when it creeps back into our lives and best of all we believe in ourselves and trust in the Universe to guide us to all we desire.

We still have many challenges ahead of us that we continue to face with open arms and an understanding that as long as we stay on our spiritual path we shall overcome them all. This is not always an easy task to do since even though we have come a long way, we still have many more miles to go before we reach our true selves. But, we continue to learn that it is not always the destination that is the gift but the journey can be the greatest reward of all. Keep your head up and never give up!

The Lord shall send his angel with you and make your journey successful. -Genesis 24:40

We Found It…

Our perfect new home! We have searched high and low and never found the one that is totally what we want but all that changed when we seen the one! It has all we want and all we need to continue this wonderful lifestyle and even more. Room to roam in our home…a bedroom door…a corner shower with plenty of head room…so much storage we could never fill…power to take those mountain climbs…comfortable captain and co-captain seats with leg room…comfort…comfort…and more comfort…room…room…and more room!

We have also learned that if it is meant to be ours…it will be! Check her out, she is a beauty!

When Life Gets In Your Way!

This disease just eats away at you until finally there is nothing left of the person you once were…is there ever really recovery? The pain gets more unbearable daily…every bone aches…every muscle has a new twinge…feeling weaker every day…knowing that this day could be the last…is it the disease or is this just the way life is?


Living life to the fullest is part of the plan…but how can that happen when life gets in our way. Life on earth is limited…knowing that every day should be lived as if it may be the last…how is this done when all the things we want to do costs money…money we don’t have…money we never seem to be able to receive…a plateau we have never been able to achieve.

Again, our plans have been twisted and turned in every direction except the one we want it to go…will there be enough time to fulfill all of our dreams? We would like to hope so but if this disease has any say…then possibly not…too sad to think about. The tears were many today…the fear was ravaging…the trust was nowhere to be found…and hope…well it was miles away.

The Hell Continues…

Believe me, we know that there are lessons in every thing we do throughout our days but what happens when it just continues to bombard you with no answers. We gave it our best try at working with Air Photo but things did not work out at all…we are not cold selling salespeople, especially when it involves selling something in today’s economy that is not really wanted or needed for that matter. But because of the position we put ourselves into we continued to pursue it…that is until the moment when our lives were threatened by a dog…a big, mean, vicious dog…not worth risking our lives. So we explained our reasons and decided we needed to move on…but where…we spent our last dollars to get here…so now what?

We found places in the immediate area for boondocking and some free RV Parks just to give us some time to figure out which way to go. Nothing happened…the doors were slamming…hard…right in our faces with no remorse at all…we continued looking for work but to no avail. We looked for ways to get some cash in our hands so we could at least accept some of the many positions that were coming our way, but for the most part they were all at a distance which would cost us so much gas money we didn’t have. We soon realized that by being out here in this lifestyle that we truly do not have friends and family that we could count on to help us out of this situation…nobody we could turn to that would be able to assist us.

We are and have been on our own for many years now…we like it that way but it does make it difficult at times like this when we need help from others. Finally an angel helped us out a bit but are still in a pickle with no “Happy Ending” in sight. But we will continue to prevail as we always do…being out here just the two of us has made our relationship stronger and together we know that we will conquer this as we always do.

We continue to pray that we learn whatever lesson it is that we need to learn this time around. The same pattern has continuously plagued us and once we finally get past this, there will be many blessings that we will be able to share. This same pattern has pursued us for most of our lives and each time the situation has become worse and this time the darkness has been long and wide with no end in sight which tells us that we are near the end. The universe is about to open the doors if we hold on just a little bit longer and not give up or give in as we usually do when it gets this rough. Our inner souls will guide us to our destination that leads to the life we have always known was ours to enjoy. Thank you and continue giving us the strength we need to once and for all rid our lives of this pattern.